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A typical issue that parents face is dealing with their children's behaviors. Let's say you are a parent of a five year old child that has just started school. She was a polite, considerate, and helpful young lady at home and in front of her teachers. However, her behavior has become inappropriate at home as it includes talking back, swearing, and discussing sex in general terms. She learned these behaviors from other children at her school. How do I help her to make the right choices about good vs. naughty (one of her friends got her to play hookie ....at 5 years old?!);" of what is acceptable and not, when she is away from me and faced with those choices without me being there to guide ?" Hmmm, how indeed? Let's look at the underlying principles. Kids in general try hard to do well in life. Their behaviors reflect what they think will bring them a successful result. The problem is that their idea of a successful result might not be the best idea. Sometimes they want the basics like hunger, warmth, and food. Or they might strive to have their parent's approval and love. Or they might be out to just have a good time. They will demonstrate the behavior they believe will get them the need they have at that time. They will discover that their behaviors don't always end in success. They learn from this and try other behaviors until they find the ones that yield the intended result. When deciding what behavior to have we rely on experience, direction for our parents, and our skills and abilities. We create a group of behaviors that we hope will serve our needs effectively. After trial and error we will find the behaviors that meet our needs. We will use these behaviors to get what we want. The more we are successful with a certain behavior, the more we engage in that behavior. So, your little 5 year old sweetheart is experimenting! Having just arrived at school, her world has opened to a whole new range of possible behaviors that she had never considered before! That's pretty exciting in itself! Now, she wonders, which of these behaviors will work for me? Which will get me fun, approval, friends, love, food, whatever? So she tries them to see. Your daughter will probably try a host of behaviors. Many of which will not occur ever again as they didn't work. Some behaviors will become a part of her usual behavior. Which behaviors will your daughter keep? It is contingent upon the results of each experience. She is at an age where having your approval and love is very critical to her. She needs to see your reaction to her behaviors. Outside reactions from others also play a role. For example, punishments and rewards can be a big influence on her behavior. She will seek the approval of you, her teachers, and her friends. You have a significant affect on her as her parent. She young so she will listen to you. When she is a teenager things will change. Your influence can show in two ways. 1. How you respond emotionally to her behaviors. Do you approve or disapprove of her behaviors? 2. Your manipulation of her environment. You have the power to choose her school, neighbors, and people she will be in contact with. You are the one who can give her punishments and rewards. Integrating what he discussed together and looking at this logically, you need to answer the following questions: Do you think your daughter is just experimenting with her behaviors and that it will pass? If you do, then don't worry about it at all as she will move on to better behavior. Kids tend to do mischievous things at this age and still end up to be productive adults. Another item to consider is the intensity of reaction you demonstrate to bad behavior. Take swearing for example. If you become exasperated every time she swears, she may view swearing as an adventure because she wants to see you get red with anger. If you think that her bad behavior is escalating too much then you need to do something to thwart it. When this happens you will need to rely on your opinion of the situation. Are you doing all the things you can as a parent? Make sure that you are a positive role model. Remember, you have a significant influence on her. Check out the school and your neighborhood. How have the children who were raised in this neighborhood do when they grew up? Do they become productive adults or do most of the kids spend their days being in trouble for most of their teenage years? Take the time to talk with parents and teachers at school. Each school has a culture and perhaps your daughter is trying to fit into this culture. How concerned are the teachers? Does the behavior of most kids at the school improve as they grow up out their phases? You cannot control every factor in their lives. You cannot guarantee that they will learn right from wrong. But you can increase the chances. And, as ever, you do that by being as good, and strategic, a parent as you can.
Dr. Noel Swanson specializes in child behaviour problems. He has written a must-buy book, and hosts a fascinating website with loads of parenting help, go take a look now! Click here to get your own unique version of this article.
Article Source: http://www.changingearth.org
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