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A common situation that many parents face is dealing with their children's behaviors. For example, let's say you had a five year old child that has just entered school. She was a polite, considerate, and helpful young lady at home and in front of her teachers. However, her behavior has recently changed at home and it involves talking back, swearing, and discussing sex in general terms. She learned these behaviors from other kids at school. You might not sure how I should teach her to make the right choices about right vs. wrong. She has already missed school at the insistence of her 5 year old friend. HOw can you help her when she is not under your watchful eye at school? How do I ensure she will make the right choice on her own? That is a good question. Let's talk about the fundamentals behind this issue. Kids in general try hard to do succeed in life. Their behaviors reflect what they think will bring them a desired result. The problem is that their idea of a desire result might not be the best idea. Sometimes they want the basics like hunger, warmth, and food. Or they might wish to have their parent's approval and love. Or they might be out to just have fun. They will demonstrate the behavior they believe will get them the need they have at that time. They will find that their behaviors don't always result in success. They learn from this and experiment with other behaviors until they find the ones that yield the desired result. When deciding what behavior to have we rely on experience, direction for our parents, and our skills and abilities. We create a group of behaviors that we hope will serve our needs effectively. After trial and error we will find the behaviors that meet our needs. We will use these behaviors to get what we want. The more we are successful with a certain behavior, the more we engage in that behavior. Returning to your 5 year old daughter. This behavior is a sign that she is in the process of experimenting. She is in a new situation at school and this has expanded her world. She is not sure how to react and is excited and nervous at the same time. She is testing different behaviors to determine which behaviors will end in an intended result. Your daughter will most likely try a range of behaviors. Many of which will not occur ever again as they didn't work. Some behaviors will become a part of her usual behavior. Which behaviors will your daughter stick to? It really depends on the results of each experience. She is at an age where having your approval and love is very important to her. She needs to see your reaction to her behaviors. Outside reactions from others also play a role. For example, punishments and rewards can be a big influence on her behavior. She will seek the approval of you, her teachers, and her friends. How much influence do you, as a parent, have over this? At this age, quite a bit. When they are teenagers, a whole lot less. Your influence is through two means. 1. Your emotional response - your approval or otherwise of her behaviors. 2. How you control her external environment. You have the power to choose her school, neighbors, and people she will be in contact with. You are the one who can give her punishments and rewards. Putting all this together, and taking a strategic overview, these are the types of questions you would want to be asking yourself: Do you think your daughter is just experimenting with her behaviors and that it will pass? If you do, then don't worry about it at all as she will move on to better behavior. Kids tend to do mischievous things at this age and still end up to be productive adults. One thing to consideration is the intensity of reaction you demonstrate to bad behavior. Take swearing for example. If you become exasperated every time she swears, she may view swearing as an adventure because she wants to see you get bent out of shape. If it looks like becoming more serious or more entrenched, then you need to take some sort of action. When this happens you will need to rely on your opinion of the situation. Are you doing all the things you can as a parent? Make sure that you are a positive role model. Remember, you have a significant influence on her. Then look at the school and neighborhood. Do the kids, by and large, turn out okay? Or is everyone on drugs by the time they are 13? Take the time to talk with parents and teachers at school. Each school has a culture and perhaps your daughter is trying to fit into this culture. How concerned are the teachers? Does the behavior of most kids at the school improve as they grow up out their phases? Unfortunately, you can't watch over every influence in your child's life. You also can't be 100% sure that your daughter will learn right from wrong. However, you can improve the odds of this. Your influence as a parent is great and you should be a positive role model for your child.
Dr. Noel Swanson is a leading specialist on child behaviour. He has a fascinating website with lots of www.good-child-guide.com/">parenting advice that is well worth a visit. Click here for other unique parenting articles.
Article Source: http://www.changingearth.org
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